My internet Was Confuckled up.. Ill be sure to keep posting Yea!

I missed my Internet.. Gotta check my blogs.
Thanks fer the friend invites!!~ ^^;;

Well since Jessica left me.. I have had like NO luck with girls..

Im feeling kinda down.. I met this one girl named Sarah.. She was taken though.. Oh well *sigh*..

It was so weird cause we liked all the same bands and even LIVED CLOSE!!!.. Maybe Ill see her at the next concert.. oh well back to work I guess..

Ehhh >,

I think I am gonna start trying to get some friends.. I really want people to read my journal.. I think it will help me get over Jessica..


Ughh.. Ill tell that story when it stops hurting so bad.

If you read this can you please add me.. Thanks *sigh*

I have no idea what is going on with her.. She says she loves me.. but sometimes.. I am too tired to even think about it.. I have been up all night..

Whatever.

Poll #891544 Do you Like the Emo Hair Style Thats Has Defines the Emo Generation
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4

Do you Like the Emo Hair Style Thats Has Defines the Emo Generation

Just got my new haircut. I hope you guys like it.

Last Few Days Have Been Trying on Me..I thought i was gonna break down a few times .. im just so sick of everything around me..people yelling at me people hurting me ..when will it all stop..thank god i have my music tho it saves me ..its been 6 months tho since i cut my self. i am quite proud of my self.. music has taught me theres better ways to deal with my my problems..i write about it i sing about it..maybe just maybe i can influence someone to do the same...

Yeaa.. My band doesn't want me to be lead singer. This totally sucks because I wanted to really sing the song I made. Im gonna talk to josh about it though.

I might not be on my journal for a while. Anywase.. Later for now..

Im Up late writing this crap.. *sigh*

Love hurts.

Thats all I know, right now.



Things falter. Natures nervous as it’s watching me pass with my fists clenched, biting my tongue and holding back emotions I never thought I could feel. My body tempeture alternates from cold to hot, back and forth, making it impossible for me to concentrate. My heart pumps blood through my body tens times faster then it should, making my breaths short, and fast. The memories are in my head as I pass the leaf that has fallen and decaded last fall. I use to wonder what this leaf thought of me, what it saw me as. Now, I don’t care. It could see me as the type of person that takes everything for granted, or it could see me as that person who lies constantly. It’s just a matter of time that I become an image based upon false assumptions. An image in time that everybody knew but nobody actually knew at all. As the leaves change colors and begin to fall, I begin to question my faith. I begin to question my heart. Do I know myself? Or do I let other people make up what I am? Who am I?

I am a memory, lost.

Those little attention seekers piss me off!
Today a girl named carlin saw the cuts on my wrist and was asking me what i use and shit like it's so cool to cut she's interseted in cutting she thinks it's a fad or something.
Fuck you don't cut cuz other people do it you shouldn't even do it but sometimes it's to hard to resist and that happens with me sometimes i can' t resist.. BUT I DON'T GO around telling everyone I know because i'm not a little atteion seeker.

Emo isn't about being suicidal. I hate people who can't understand that. Sorry about the rant..

You don't want me. You want someone who will do whatever you want without arguing.
Someone without feelings. Or rather, only the feelings you want them to have.
You refuse to see changes in me, and I cannot even begin to understand why that is.
Have you seen the changes in yourself?
You tell me you are going to do something, then decide you are too tired to do it.
yet, when I say something, and it gets done, t isn't enough for you. You told me that you would clean the kitchen if I cleaned up the outer oom. Well, I did.
I even cleaned under the couch, vaccumumed, watered the plants, and tried greeting you with a hug.
I got nothing from you. You got home, refused a hug, went to the computer to find someone who can please you.
You claim I am enough to please you, but I feel as if that is a lie. I believe that you don't 'need' the size every time, but I wish you could just.... treat me like a man and not a piece of meat.
You seek other people. YOU. not us, like you claim. If I were to go out like you have been, give you maybe 30 hours warning, how would you feel?
I don't care what you are doing, just stop the lies and half truths. Be honest with me.
After over 3 and a half years, TELL ME IF YOU DON'T WANT ME ANYMORE.
stop dragging me along. I have changed from the way I was to be happier with me.
I did that. and what I see from you is your back. You can't look at me, can't touch me.
Except when its good for you.
I refuse to lie for you anymore. If someone asks me what you are doing, I will tell them.
Fuck this image you are wrapping around yourself.
We both have to change to save this relationship. Or have you already given up?

I took a few days off. I feel like talking about Jessica. She is the joy in my life that makes me get out of bed in the morning. She can also be the person that puts me in a pit. She is one of those people that doesn't fit into any group of people, yet fits all of them. She is a girl that works on cars, knows Kung-Fu (a blackbelt), cusses like a sailor, but is soft, loving, kind, funny, a joy to be around. Most of the guys she works with have a thing for her (a boner), and that has caused me a bit of anxiety, but for the most part no trouble. It did one time, but I worked that out with her. No need to mention it. She puts up with me, no way in hell i would give her up for anything. I love her with all of my heart.

Hey I really need a Journal Like this. Just to get some emotions out...

Where to Start.. hehe..

I wont be talking about my childhood. Everybody had generally the same experiences, some had been beaten up at school or made fun of, but mostly the same crap. I will start with...... hmmm. Lets start with my first job. When I turned 16, I started working at the local Mc Donalds. I had a couple of friends that worked there, and the work was fun. The first few months were fun, but they dont belong in this story. We'll skip ahead... I was friends with ine of my managers, so I went to her house before work. She had a friend of hers that I had not meet over. She was a cute short litte girl by the name of Sarah. I talked with them for as long as I could, but had to go to work. I had a feeling that this girl, the one that had a look of fascination on her face when she saw me, would be a big part of my life. Fast-forward to 3 days later. She invited me to a party at my friends house (I later found out she threw the party to get to know me) and I wound up having to leave. She came down to my car to tell me goodbye, and gave me a hug. Niether of us let go, we didn't want to. I met someone that I felt like was with me from the day I was born. Maybe it was fate, I dont know, though I pretend I do.